Pet Parenting
There’s an episode of The Muppet Show in which Miss Piggy gets a little dog—played by a real dog as well as a muppet—and talks about herself as “Mama” to little “Foo-Foo.” Kermit resists being brought into a parental role and ends up yelling “I am not that dog’s Da-da!” Partly, Kermit’s reaction is to Piggy’s trying to create a relationship between them without his consent, but mostly the January 1980 show (guest starring Dyan Cannon) is making fun of indulgent owners who spoil and baby their pets, and the wise Kermit wants to be distanced from pet parenting.
Forty years later, we’re now surrounded in settler North American/Western culture by people who talk about their “fur babies” and being “pet parents.” Vets talk about their patient’s “mummy and daddy” because that’s what the paying clients want to hear. People dress their pets up in specially made human-style clothes. … Please, let me tell you, folks, you are not the dog’s Da-da! Until 1) we give legal personhood to non-human animals, 2) we respect them, and 3) we become vegetarian, having pets is not being a pet parent. You are the animal’s owner, not its mummy or daddy. Yes, you love the pet in a similar way to how you love a human child. Yes, you take care of it and train it—or spoil it. Yes, you can use it as a child substitute emotionally, keeping it perpetually cute and beloved and dependent on you. But your dog, your cat, your parrot, your guinea pig, and your bearded dragon, they do not see you as their parents.
And there’s a strange double vision going on culturally, one that shows we do not believe that pets are children. You can’t legally sell your child or give them away, as you can your pet. You can’t breed your child without their consent. You can’t lock them in a kennel with a bowl of water and some kibble while you’re at work during the day. You can’t have them put down if they have a serious medical condition or poor quality of life (at least not without a serious legal battle). If you abandon your child, they won’t have a time limit to be adopted by another family before they’re euthanized.
Also, the amount of neglect and abuse it takes to get a conviction for what a human has done to one or more animals is atrociously high. The animal pretty much has to be emaciated, dehydrated, and covered in scars and festering wounds to guarantee a successful prosecution. I’m not saying that we humans don’t abuse and neglect our children, nor that it’s easy to convict us when we do, but that there’s a difference in the amount and kinds of evidence the police or a judge needs to order a child be placed in protective custody and say to the caregivers “you need to make changes in their living environment and your behaviour before you get the child back.”
I like animals. I respect them. I enjoy spending time with them. While I’m willing to eat the ones I know I can kill personally (mainly fish), I try to avoid buying products with leather or gelatin or rennet in them because, even if you gave me the tools and training, I couldn’t kill a cow. But I’m not one of those people who reach out at a dog’s face, gushing baby talk in a high-pitched voice without asking the owner’s or the dog’s permission, getting the dog excited or anxious or fearful. I also respect human children and similarly avoid gushing at and demeaning them. I don’t laugh at a child who says or does something “cute,” meaning attractively incompetent. Because I teach children’s literature, clearly remember much condescension in my childhood, and have friends who are young people, I’m all for treating other sentient beings with respect. I encourage others to treat both children and pets with respect.
So, people, you need to stop making your pets into substitute children! You are owners, not pet parents. And it would be nice if you’d not laugh at children for making mistakes you think are “cute.” Thank you.
