After several readings of the excerpt, there are several concepts which can be noted.  The first and most prevalent concept is the sense that the entire excerpt is a memory to the speaker, where the speaker refers to everything in a past tense.  The second concept which is noted is that of how these memories seem to influence the speaker’s perceptions of himself and others.  The third concept which is noted is the idea that identity is constructed or assigned to oneself.  It is important to note that there does not seem to be any particular hierarchy to these concepts, but rather interdependence between the three in order to derive context and thereby meaning.  These concepts, when reviewed and interpreted, can help generate certain themes that underlay the excerpt.

Let us look at the idea of the excerpt being a memory to the speaker.  On several occasions, the speaker’s memories refer to situations in elementary school where he had difficulty concentrating on the moment, and therefore found him in difficulty with those in supervision.  What is interesting is the way in which he is able to think of his mind/daydreams in an internalized fashion (the outside world of the classroom takes on the external), but the degree of physicality he seems to place upon it: “…the rest of the kids would be in class and I would be on the battlefield someplace”.  The constructed daydreams in his internal mind seem to be just as real as the external classroom in which he is sitting.

This of course led to a perception of himself as at first disconnected from the fellow students in his class “…the rest of the kids would be in class and I would be on the battlefield someplace”.  This disconnect takes place at first on the fact that he is internally focused (daydreams) while in class, while his peers are externally focused (on the teacher and the content), but can be seen as his inhabiting a separate physical space as compared to his fellow students.  The physical space he is able to construct and inhabit through his daydreams is what he believes singles him out in his class, while at the same time making him the same as everyone else: “I think all people do that [daydream]...I think all the kids were competing to be the honor students, but I was never interested in that.”  Physicality again enters into the analysis, for while he was internally focused on his daydreams, there seemed to be an external physical manifestation which did not coincide with that of his fellow students and which saw him “diagnosed as retarded.”  But he is quick to point out that the classification of retardation seems to be a term to describe “how people deal with the people around them and their situation.”  His external physical manifestations, which seemed to juxtapose him with his fellow students is termed retardation.  The term therefore, becomes independent of the individual and his physical self: “The problem is getting labeled as being something. After that you’re not really a person.”

This reference to terminology informing identity is quite interesting, for the speaker is represented by a term and the meanings associated to that term seem to be transferred to his person.  This label of retardation has the effect of informing the perceptions of him by others, “in the fifth grade my classmates thought I was different, and my teacher knew I was different.”  The identity these labels construct is therefore one which is quite one-dimensional in its comparison of external selves to construct identity.  He constructs his notion of self as being one where he is able to compare the physical space he creates through his internally focused daydreams to the physical space his fellow students inhabit in their external focuses on the classroom.  However, those around him are not privy to his internalized physical space, so must compare his external physical manifestations (which are atypical) to those of his fellow students, and therefore to the label and identity characteristics of retardation.

Comments may be directed to Bhuvinder S. Vaid.

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